Sent Back
by HIXD16
Summary: Gilberts spiraling depression finally catches up to him as he tries taking his life. He just wanted to be with Matthew.
1. A Dance With Who?

Original edgy summary: 3 months ago, Matthew left this world. 3 weeks ago, Gilbert went to his funeral. 3 days ago, Gilbert's father left on a business trip. 3 hours ago, Gilbert cleaned his house to get Matthew off his mind. 3 minutes ago, Gilbert was listening to music. 3 seconds ago, Gilbert was alive.

Author's Note: Ok… I wrote this a long time ago when I was in a bad place in life. I've been going through my docs and finding my old stories. It's been interesting seeing how I thought back then. I'm posting this because I figure there are people that are going through the same I did and thought it may help them in a way.

_._

Gilbert looked around, scanning the living room.

Upstairs, downstairs, the basement, and attic were all cleaned; garbage picked up, vacuumed, all of the dishes were cleaned and put away, every room was dusted. He went grocery shopping and mowed the front and back yard. He fed the fish and cleaned their tanks. He also fed the dogs and the cat, and gave each a treat. He even cleaned out everything from his car and got it washed.

After checking everything off his list, he looked at the time, 2:46pm. His brother would be home by 4:00, so he went upstairs, hoping nobody would be angry at him for skipping school. He plugged his phone into his radio, picked a song, and decided to lay down for a few minutes.

 _Here I stand_

 _Helpless and left for dead_

The instrumental started. He loved music, he always gets chills he when he listens to it. They would go up his spine and down his arms.

 _Close your eyes, so many days go by_

 _Easy to find what's wrong_

 _Harder to find what's right_

Matthew used to loved this song. He could resonate with every word. Gilbert would almost get annoyed by the constant loop Matthew would play.

 _I believe in you, I can show you that_

 _I can see right through all your empty lies_

 _I won't stay long, in this world so wron_ g

He sat up and grabbed the hardcover book he used to write on in bed, along with a piece of paper and a pen. Writing has always been something he loved to do. Both Matthew and Gilbert loved it. That's how they met. Matthew had dropped his book, and Gilbert, being the gentlemen he was, picked them up for him. One of them happened to be open and Gilbert read the title, 'Awesome Little Polar Bears'. He had instantly loved it, and Matthew.

 _Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight_

 _Don't you dare look at him in the eye_

 _As we dance with the Devil tonight_

Dance. Gilbert chuckled at the memory of his first school dance. Matthew had actually worn a full suit. Tie and all. That was the first time Matthew and Gilbert kissed. They were both so awkward, he guessed it couldn't be helped though. Two teens dancing… Well, trying to anyway, Gilbert couldn't resist anymore and just went for it. Apparently Matthew felt the same.

 _Trembling, crawling across my skin_

 _Feeling your cold dead eyes_

 _Stealing the life of mine_

He hated the way this part was phrased, but it was mostly true. Matthew's eyes were never cold, but the rest is accurate. They were always warm, and full of peace. At least, until high school.

 _I believe in you, I can show you that_

 _I can see right through all your empty lies_

 _I won't last long, in this world so wrong_

The beginning of high school… He felt horrible, Matthew lied over and over, saying he was fine. Matthew lied. It was never fine, then or now. Matthew wouldn't ever feel "fine" again, not as long as he was in that evil school.

 _Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight_

 _Don't you dare look at him in the eye_

 _As we dance with the Devil tonight_

The Devil? Who would that be? Someone or something? Does it spread death, chaos, and destruction? Is it silent? A fox hiding among rabbits?

Is the Devil the one who whispers in his ear? Is the Devil the one who took Matthew? Or was it God? Did God do this? Matthew did nothing but love people. Even the ones who wanted to hurt him.

How can any God of anything do that to his people?

 _Hold on, hold on_

Gilbert had a plan for himself, to get a job, marry Matthew, maybe adopt a kid… Tears started to fall down the sides of his face. Holding on to Matthew was like a curse, because he couldn't let him go. How could he?

 _Say goodbye, as we dance with the Devil tonight_

 _Don't you dare look at him in the eye_

 _As we dance with the devil tonight_

They both must have been cursed. The Devil… or God, whatever it is, it took Matthew first, now it moved on to him. Gilbert wondered if he's just insane, or does this happens to everybody.

'I hope it's only us. Matthew does to. I know it.'

 _Hold on, hold on_

The music slowed down, Gilbert noticed that he was wheezing, tears streaming down his face. He sounded like an animal being tortured, which wasn't that far off. He through the book and pen he was writing with across the room and set the paper on the nightstand.

 _Goodbye_

Gilbert was shaking, he felt the adrenaline pumping through his system. He slipped off of his bed and crouched in front of the nightstand. He slammed the drawer open, moving the papers and random junk away from a can of beer and a single prescription bottle.

The bottle was filled with different types of medication, his brother had one prescription for OCD, and his father had multiple problems with all kinds of prescribed medications. Gilbert didn't want his family to go without their meds, so he only took a few from each bottle.

His hand shook as he reached for the bottle, but he thought about Matthew. How he went throw the bullying, the loneliness, his uncaring family. Everyone and everything was against him. Gilbert was the only one ever there for him, and every second he spends in this world is another second Matthew spends alone. Gilbert felt like he was going to puke.

"Matthew's waiting for me", he said slowly, his voice cracking.

Gilbert grabbed the prescriptions and the beer can from inside his nightstand. He sat back on his bed, twisting the cap on the prescription bottle. He looked down on it, there were red, white, orange, and green pills all mixed together.

His stomach started aching, his head was spinning, and sweat was pouring off of his palms. He set the pill bottle on the nightstand and opened the beer. He took a huge gulp.

It was so quiet. In his house, outside, he felt like the whole world was asleep. The whole world would miss his reunion with his Matthew.

The Adrenalin started pumping again, he started shaking more. Gilbert took another mouthful of beer, but instead of swallowing, he grabbed the pills and dumped them all in his mouth. He hesitated.

'Am I doing this? Isn't this just a dream? A bad nightmare?' He questioned.

'If it is, I want to wake up.'

He swallowed. Some of the pills clumped up in his throat, which tasted horrible. He drank the rest of the beer and throw the can towards to garbage can. He missed.

Gilbert sat there.

He sat, waiting for something to happen. The tears in his eyes had dried. His head felt less hazy. He really didn't like it, he doesn't want to think. He only wants Matthew. But… Would Mathew want him to do this? Gilbert remembered the note Matthew left behind.

It said, "Nobody should ever want to die. Life is too precious to be thrown away, and it sadly is all the time. I'm still writing to try to convince myself not to do this. But, there's not much stopping me, so I guess this is goodbye? I love you, whoever takes the time to read this."

Gilbert's eyes slowly widened. He started to fully understand what Matthew meant. He slammed his eyes shut and screamed. He jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. His grandfather keep a supply of whiskey and other assorted liquors, so Gilbert grabbed the biggest bottle he could find; rum.

He opened the half empty bottle and chugged, blocking out the heat in his throat. It spilled down his shirt and onto the counter. He drank more and more before he felt tired. He finished the rum and grabbed a smaller whiskey bottle for the trip up to his room.

"Why was I crying?" He slurred. "I don't remember."

Gilbert reached his room started to walk to his bed, but he didn't make it. He collapsed onto the floor. He coughed, blood splattering on the carpet. He laid there, the world started fading away.

He smiled.

It was so quiet. Peaceful. How he wanted it. How Matthew did it.

I have half of the next chapter done... If anyone's interested in it, leave a comment telling me.


	2. He Sent Me Back

Authors Note: Again, this is something old that, I guess, I want to get off my chest. This how my early depression looked. I think this was almost like a fantasy for me, because I remember feeling like something needed to happen; I either needed to die or get help. And at the time, I didn't want help from anyone… because I felt like I would be weak. That was freshman year. Now i'm a senior and finally at least trying to get "better."

_._

"Birdie?" He smiled wide, "is that you?" He got up. He wasn't in his room anymore. For as far as he could see, it was dark. But one person stood in front of him. Bright red hoodie, blond hair, tall, and crying.

"Matt, why are you crying? I'm here now." Gilbert said happily, running towards him.

"No", Matthew said, sobbing. As Gilbert ran, he never closed any distance. "Wha- why can't I get to you?" He asked.

"Why? Why would you do this?" Matthew choked out. "Why would you repeat my mistake?"

"Wha… I love you, that's why. I didn't want you to be alone." Gilbert argued, he didn't know why Matthew was acting like this.

"Matthew, why are you crying? I'm here! We can be together again." He reassured. Matthew shook his head, his unruly curl bouncing around.

"I don't want you to die." Matthew wiped his eyes and started walking towards Gilbert, actually getting closer. "You're going back."

"Wha- No", Gilbert argued. "I'm not leaving you again. No. No." Gilbert crossed his arms, he looked like a child throwing a tantrum. Matthew stopped.

"You don't understand", Matthew said, "killing myself is the worst mistake I've ever made," Matthew chuckled, "And I thought no one saw me when I was alive. But now, no one can see me, it's impossible. I can't talk to anyone, pick things up, eat or drink. I can't physically feel anything either. Normally, when someone dies, they would be reincarnated. But for someone who takes their own life, they stay on earth, kinda like a ghost. We watch as things happen, not able to do anything,"

"Can those people see each other?" Gilbert asked. Matthew answered, "Yeah, as long as they knew each other in their last life's, people like that can talk and …", Matthew realized what Gilbert was saying, "No. No, you're going back. You're not doing this to yourself,"

"Yes I am! I did it to be with you…", Gilbert yelled, tears starting to form in his eyes. Matthew saw and walked up to him. "Please,", Matthew put his hand on Gilbert's cheek, "go back,"

"Birdie… No… My birdie", he sobbed, "no, not again! I'm not losing you again." Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew, "I'm not leaving!"

Matthew sighed, "I love you, Gil." He whispered, pushing Gilbert's shoulders back. "I love you, too", Gilbert whimpered. Matthew smiled, "that's all I need." He leaned in and kissed Gilbert. He kissed back, savoring Matthew's touch.

The world became noisy again. His body ached, his head was pounding, and his blood was pumping. Gilbert tried opening his eyes, only able to open them slightly. He heard people, he couldn't understand anything they were saying, but there was one voice he recognized.

"Lud..wig", he questioned, his voice cracking. "Broth..er", he managed, before a nurse interrupted him.

"Can you hear me?" She asked. Gilbert didn't comprehend anything she was saying, but nodded anyway. "Good. Can you tell me your name?" He slowly opened his eyes, it was too bright, so he closed his eyes again.

"Can you keep your eyes open?" The nurse asked, opening one eye and shining a flashlight over it. "He's pinpointed", she called to the other nurses, "please, tell me your name" She asked almost frantically. Gilbert felt tired, and cold, like a rock.

"Gilbert", he said, his throat was dry and scratchy. "Okay Gilbert, can you tell me what you took? Do you remember?"

Gilbert was confused, he didn't steal anything. What was she talking about? "Wha-", the room door opened and the doctor sped in holding a clipboard.

"Is he responding?" The doctor asked, impatiently. "Barley. We need to pump his stomach," she said. The nurse moved and the doctor took her place, "Hi Gilbert, I'm doctor Collins. Can you hear me?" Gilbert wanted to respond, but his mouth was too dry. After a few seconds, Collins turned to the nurse, "skip the pump for now, just get him the charcoal," the doctor said, "take him to crit."

Gilbert felt the bed start to move. His eyes were closed but through his eyelids he saw lights flashing and heard the beeping of different machines; possibly the only thing keeping someone alive.

"Is that him?" Gilbert heard a familiar voice, "GILBERT," they screamed. He tried to look towards the sound, but he was too tired to move. The nurse must have noticed his attempt to move and asked if he could hear her. He once again nodded his head even though he didn't know what she wanted.

He heard a crash that was actually the door to his new room in the ICU. The bed seemed to pull a few tricks, then finally stopped. Before he blacked out again, he felt needles sticking him and people poking at him. Even though he couldn't really think, he thought about how blissful fading away felt.

_._

This is the end of what I had written. I'm really busy currently, but going over this has really sparked some ideas and I think I could write more on this. If you read this and want more, you need to tell me. Otherwise I won't waste time on it if nobody wants to read it.


	3. Where His Life Changed

**_1 year ago_**

"Hey Gil?"

"Yeah."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Shoot."

"I love you."

Gilbert's eyes went wide as he stopped dancing, probably making them look weird in the eyes of their classmates. He picked his head off of Matthews shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"You don't have to say anything back," Matthew said over the loud music, immediately pulling him back into a slow dance. Gilbert laced his arms around Matthew, still wide-eyed. The shocked expression on Gilberts face faded as he realized they weren't really dancing. They were just shifting their weight side to side, like losers.

He started to giggle, which turned into full on laughter. Matthew pushed him back and gave him a weird look, to which Gilbert wiped away a tear and just kept laughing.

A few seconds went by before he took Matthews face into his hand, rushed their lips together.

Gilberts mind shut down as he heard a gasp escape Matthew. He felt electricity shot through his body, like the butterflies in his stomach were set free. Matthew kissed back and the music in the background became mute.

They were both in their own world, where no one but them mattered. Gilbert wanted this to last forever. He felt like he could die like this; in the arms of the only person who understood him, inside and out.

The music became audible again as they seperated. Gilbert felt like he needed air, even though they only kissed for a few seconds. He looked into Matthews eyes and thought of how lucky he was, how such an amazing person could just tell him they loved him. It truly puzzled him. But he was happy.

"I love you too…" Gilbert watched Matthews face. The way his already red face bloomed into a bright scarlet color. Gilbert grabbed Matthews hand and lead him out of the gym to get their coats. They both had big goofy grins on their faces as they left the school.

They walked down many streets, not really caring where they end up. They were just enjoying each other's company; talking about anything that came to mind.

They eventually came up to place they recognised as the middle school park on other side of town. Gilbert grabbed Matthews hand and dragged him to the swingsets.

"Gil, I know you can be a little immature, but don't you think this is a bit… childish?" Matthew said with a small smile on his face, sitting on the swings.

"What? No way!" Gilbert explained, "This is my own little world. Whenever I feel like crap or need to get the hell away from people, I always end up here."

"Oh… I get it," Matthew started swinging, "I go into the forest preserve behind my house. I sit and write. I think it's the sound of nature that really calms me.''

Matthew looked to Gilbert, where he finds him already 10 feet off the ground. Matthew shook his head a little and joined him.

Their swings eventually sync up, which strangely made Gilbert blush. Matthew hadn't noticed Gilbert starring at him in awe.The way his blonde hair moved with every motion; back and forth.

But the most amazing thing to him was the expression on Matthew's face. For once, he looked sincerely happy. It's not the fake shit he puts on when he asks if he was alright. It looks like he's in pure bliss.

Matthew looked over to him and caught his gaze. Gilbert smiled and extended his hand, which Matthew gladly took.

They swang for what seemed like hours, before Matthew put his feet down through the mulch. Their Hands separated as Gilbert kept swinging. Matthew was about to say something, but Gilbert cut him off by letting go of the swing and flying through the air.

He flew what felt like 20 feet off the ground and, surprisingly, landed on his feet. He looked over to the blond and smiled, "it's getting late. My grandpa's going to be pissed if he has to wait for me."

Matthew hummed in understanding. So they started back the way they came, again talking about anything and everything. This time, however, their hands intertwined as they walked down side streets that all look the same.

By the time they got back to the school, people were spilling out of the front doors. Matthew looked to gilbert with the most mischievous face he could make.

"Wanna go see if there's any free stuff left behind?"

"Oh, so you're the criminal now?"

"I learned from the best," he said, suggestively.

Gilbert's face burned a bit before spotting his grandfather's car honking through the traffic. He grabbed the blonds hand and pulled him behind a tree next to the school.

"Grandpas here," he felt brave, so he hugged Matthew and planted a quick, nervous kiss to his lips. He pulled his arms back and walked a few feet with his hands in his coat pockets.

He stopped and looked back, "I love you…"

Matthew looked from behind the tree and spoke with a smile, "I love you too."

~

Author's Note: I know this is a short chapter, but I wanted to give readers something to hold them over. And I'm sorry if its kinda dumb… Romance isn't my strongest genre...


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